Armageddon

Armageddon. The end of days. The movie.
Deciding to stay in tonight on a saturday night, i decided to watch what showing on tv, and lo and behold, it was armageddon. one of my favourite movies which i don't 'dare' to watch again. silly isnt it? But it's true. I think this might be the 2nd or 3rd time i've watched it since 1998, which was when it came out. The reason behind my fear of rewatching this movie is due to the part where dear ol Bruce stays behind to blow up the huge rock.The part where he says his goodbye to his daughter is the most heartbreaking. it makes you wonder just what and exactly how much a parent would do for their child's happiness.

All this reminded me of my dad. My father who just turned 59 a few days ago. Yes, 59. one more year to hitting the big six-0. It's all a bit scary to be honest. Knowing that they're not going to be there forever.Even now, across how many thousand miles, he'd still text me after midnight my time to ask where i was, and to go home as soon as i could. All that love and concern which i might have times interpreted as him being controlling from so far away. sigh. It's about time i realized just how old my dad is getting. That he doesn't have the same amount of energy anymore. That the white hair on his head is just going to get thicker.

Happy belated birthday daddy. I love you.





















































Ps: oh right. If you read this in time. EARTH HOUR!! an hour lights off at 8.30pm local time. :)

i've been pretty out of touch with anyone from home lately. be it parents, the remaining musketeers or my high schoolies. i've just had a bit too much on my mind and of procrastinated work. The much dreaded "engineering nights" have begun. unfortunately. the same old routine is back.

dinner. shower. coffee/bubble tea takeaway. uni till early morning.

GREAATTT....

apart from those long nights at uni starting again, nothing much has happened, nothing much has changed since the last post. i still hate engineering, im still self-sabotaging, my plan of regular exercise and healthy eating is still not happening..and im still as emo and bored as always :)
oh, except for the last post from a dear friend of mine * cough*loi*goh*cough that cheered me up a little.

as nothing dramatic or THAATT exciting has happened to me in the past week or so, i am going to entertain you guys with some looonng overdued pics. of me n my family and of my friends here.
enjoy
*muah

my house....right.






























it starts with a poke......














and it ends with a kiss!





























more of the welly trip:
































































that's all from me for now! coffee's calling.
xoxo

stuck in my head

She's starin' at me,
I'm sittin', wonderin' what she's thinkin'.
Mmmmm
Nobody's talkin',
'Cause talkin' just turns into screamin'.
Ohhh...
And now is I'm yellin' over her,
She's yellin' over me.
All that that means
Is neither of us is listening,
(And what's even worse).
That we don't even remember why were fighting.

So both of us are mad for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

And it gets me upset, girl
When you're constantly accusing.
(Askin' questions like you've already known).
We're fighting this war, baby
When both of us are losing.
(This ain't the way that love is supposed to go).

Whoaaaaaaaaa...
[What happened to workin' it out].
We've falled into this place
Where you ain't backin' down
And I ain't backin' down.

So what the hell do we do now...
It's all for...

Nothin'
(Fighting for).
Nothin'
(Crying for).
Nothin'
(Whoahhh).
But we won't let it go for
Nothin'
(No not for)
Nothin'.
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Ohhh, baby...

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

Oh baby this love ain't gonna be perfect,
(Perfect, perfect, oh oh).
And just how good it's gonna be.
We can't fuss and we can't fight
Long as everything alright between us
Before we go to sleep.

Baby, we're gonna be happy.

I know sometimes
It's gonna rain...
But baby, can we make up now
'Cause I can't sleep through the pain
(Cant sleep through the pain).

Girl, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me).
No, I don't wanna go to bed
(Mad at you),
And I don't want you to go to bed
(Mad at me)
Ohhh no no no...

broken compass

been awhile since my last post. i haven't been really busy, i just wasn't at home a lot :) another weekend has gone by, its been 2 weeks since my parents have gone home and i was good this week. no clubbing :) instead, i opted for retail therapy instead of booze *pats head

which leads me to the AWESOME movie that all of u have to watch!! i don't know if Malaysia is faster or slower than us, but if you haven't seen it, go see it! and if you have, watch it again! :) another movie that i can totally relate to.. the feeling of buying something new, the moment you receive the bag with your new clothes in it, and if you go to the mall as often as me, the excitement at seeing new clothes that have just come in :)
oh wait, i just realized i haven't mentioned the title of the movie, but from my blabs about shopping, you should pretty much know that im talking about CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC, only the awesome-est chick movie next to "he's just not that into you".

it's one of those chick flicks which will make you feel happy after the movie,not to mention shop,in this case. it has those fairy tale endings, which,i know is not realistic but wth right,it makes you happy :) the clothes were not as nice as those shown in the devil wears prada, but anything YSL or Gucci or Prada etc are always nice to look at..

anyways, back to the point of this post (ie: the title)..retail therapy aside, i've realized lately that i've reached this point in my life where i don't know what to do anymore. I have no clue why im doing chemical engineering when i don't even have the slightest interest in it, I don't know what to do..i don't know how to take the next step. im lost. or just a little, to make myself feel better. i just wish i was doing something that i like, to make me go to uni, to make me do my assignments with more effort. seriously, how do you work hard on something that you don't even like? especially when its not something easy. sigh

and one sad thing is, i can't seem to make up for the mistakes made. no matter what i say or do, i just can't make everything okay again. maybe a little more time is needed, but surely this is long enough?
sometimes i don't know who i am anymore, the judgement from other people, the things that have been said, the thoughts about me, everything. i feel like i'm someone else at a certain time, and me at other times. maybe i have a split personality, an alter ego (LOL.that's a bit scary to be honest)

and if you were observant enough, you'd have noticed the difference already in just this one post.
i am lost.

Friends

When I think of the word 'Friends', i think of two things: The hit sitcom which you can never get sick of, and the people that will always have your back no matter what.

Having just come back from a friend's 21st,where there were lots of close friends around and speeches about the birthday girl being made, I started realizing how sad it was to not be able to spend my 21st next year with those that i love. How sad it was that I haven't spent a birthday with my incredible 8 for the past few years. That the only special occasions together would be just Xmas and New years eve, which isn't all that meaningful when we all end up drunk :P

Nonetheless, the birthday party made me see, yet again, just how important friends were. Aristotle once said "What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies". Oh, how true Aristotle is. When i think of my dear friends back home, I can see why we are all still as close as we are now. Because beneath all the slight differences and our individual traits, we are all in fact alike.

True friends are hard to find. Yes, everyone knows that. But i truly believe that I have found my own little group of bridesmaids and best man's. The people that will be able to give speeches on my wedding day. *yes i know im thinking too far away, but a girl can dream can't she? :)

A true friend would stab you in the back, be completely honest with you and tell you if you're wrong or out of line. A true friend would know all your deepest darkest secrets and not judge you and just love you for who you are. I, luckily, have found people like that. I remember my bestest friend telling me, when I was having a hard time figuring myself out, that she'd be there for me no matter what, that she'd be completely honest and be a bitch if need be. Another new friend of mine, who started seeing me for me, both the wacky and emo sides, told me that he would love me for who i was. That he didn't care about my past actions..mistakes, that he'd take me for who i am, just the way i was :)

So this post is to all my darlings, wherever you are. You know who you are. To the new friends made, to the old, to the ones that have fallen out but managed to patch things again... I love you all.


all of us:





































































































and the drinking begins.....






























































































































you know they're your friends when....














they stare openly at you....




















they are there the whole night when you cry your eyes out....














when they tag an empty table with their names on it even after you leave...















when they do this to your locker for an entire company to see.....















when they are willing to share a guy with you....

and lastly, you know they're your friends when you want them to be there during all the milestones in your life.....
















xoxo

"when heads turn, don't disappoint"

Who would be disappointed with Harry Winston? Seriously. They are breathtaking. I would die for one of these little babies.

Obsessed with rings lately, I went to the jewellery store here to look for a proper, decent white gold ring. But, to my disappointment, the diamonds and the white gold they had were of lousier quality. And with the prices they were charging, I could get better ones in Malaysia. So sadly, with no new ring on my finger, I came home and started daydreaming and ended up at Harry Winston's website :) and found these darlings. beautiful aren't they?

u motherfckin little piece of SH*T. exactly who do u think u are? you are not entitled to control my life. you don't get to say what i can or can not do. I know what im doing, the decisions i make, the risks i take.. ALL my actions. yes, there are times i screw up. but SO WHAT?

so do YOU.

you're more fked up than i am. you just don't realize it. at least i do, and i admit when im wrong. at least i don't think im perfect or the greatest. i think it's time to wake up and realize just what you are. i can survive without you. just disappear.

family

i've heard it many times..that family is more important than friends. i know that myself, they are the ones that (in most cases) wouldn't turn your back on you, will be there for u when u fall and basically be by ur side through thick and thin. so why.. do i always end up putting my friends first before them?

maybe im just going through a phase in my life, where im being rebellious. i don't wanna listen to anyone, i don't like taking orders and i just wan to do what i wan, and that is to have fun. only now that i've returned to nz that i realized how much i have neglected my parents. had a talk with my aunt and she said some things that really made me feel bad about myself, that encouraged me to spend more time with them. i did just that, although not nearly enough to make up for all the arguments during the summer holiday.

but im glad i did try to spend time with them. im glad they came over with us, and im glad we had a small family trip last weekend to wellington to visit my older brother. it was a good trip, time for me to just be by their sides the whole time and to have fun with them. *pics will be posted later :)

now that my parents have left for home, i feel this emptiness inside me. i know that this feeling will eventually disappear, like it always does every year when they leave us here,but right at this very moment.. i just need some time to pour my feelings out. to let out all the guilt, the sadness, and the many sorries and 'i love you's' that i should have said.hence, this post.

there are times when i agree with my mum..that i have changed.that im no longer the sweet young little girl that spends every moment with her. i have grown into a young adult with different interests and different views on life now. at other times however, i feel like shes wrong. that im only doing and saying the things i say just because im going through a phase that everyone has gone through. i just refuse to believe that im hurting them now just cause i've changed.

so today, in church. i took a moment to reflect on myself, my actions and my thoughts. am i still the same person? have i really changed for the worse? it was hard for me to admit something like that, as im a very proud person, but i knew deep down that my mum was right. so i made a promise to myself, that im going to indeed cut down on the alcohol intake, and spend more time on my studies. i have already lost the scholarship. all i can do now is to study hard, make the most of this year and aim for at least second class honours.

some pics of the family:

the biggest bitch

seriously the dumbest and biggest bitch alive. sometimes i think im born heartless, despite all the hurt and sad emotions that i feel. i have just hurt and disappointed one of the people that i care about the most. if ur reading this, im sorry. over and over. a thousand and million apologies, although i know that at a time like this, no matter how many heartfelt apologies i say to u, u wont wanna hear or accept a single one of them. but i am sorry.

ur one of the nicest people that i know, someone that i know will always have my back. someone i can count on, someone who will try to understand my actions and understand.. me. but now i've lost it all, ur trust, ur friendship and most of all you. the heart wants what it cant have. ridiculous isn't it? believe me, i hated myself at those times when i gave in and texted you when i was upset. it sucked knowing that i couldnt tell you everything i was feeling. that i was hiding something from you. i have never hidden a single thing from u since we started off as friends.

i don't know what im hoping to get from this post. i don't know if you'll hang out with me again, if you'll even bother being friends with me anymore. maybe i disgust u too much. i have no good reason for my actions. they even puzzle me. many times i have wondered why it all happened so fast, sometimes even thought there was something wrong with me. maybe there is. but im learning, trying to change. and that's why i told u that from the very beginning. but over the past few days, old feelings resurfaced. and from last night, i was confused. again.

you're right. all these things. i brought them onto myself. it's always ME doing it. ME taking the actions. all me. but i still don't know why they happen. i can't or dunno how to avoid or prevent them.

this isn't a valid explanation. but noe that i never meant to do anything to hurt u. i try not to hurt u, and that's why the conversation we had was so hard for me. i knew what it was gonna do to you. i was selfish. i took u for granted. but like i said, im learning. and that's why i warned you.

im sorry. i am. from the bottom of my heart. i really reallly am. take care tonight

erotica convention here i comeeee...!!!!

he's just not THAT into you

just got back from the movie. and it was good. an absolute must watch for those who haven't seen it although most would have i fink. anyway, that movie was just what i needed. a total eye-opener. left the cinema feeling much better, knowing that there indeed were others out there who is experiencing or have experienced the same thing as me.
it was basically a movie about the relationships of these characters in the movie and how some girls would misread the actions of guys, claiming and thinking that if they acted like jerks, they were interested. stupidly waiting by the phone for days, pondering and wondering if his feelings were mutual, if there was going to be a second date. sound familiar? it sure is to me. i think i can relate to the entire movie. the feelings felt, the actions taken.but i probably wouldn't cyber stalk a guy i liked. i'd just stalk him :P but seriously, all the anxiety..not being able to concentrate..always using the guy (or girls) name at any chance u get in a conversation, constantly thinking about that person. we've all been through that at one time or another im sure.

so.. how was this movie an eye-opener for me? watching one of the main characters, Gigi, throw herself at guy after guy..attempting to get them on a second date with her..i realized that it was indeed true that when guys treat u like a jerk, they really do mean it. and that if they wanted to go out with you, they would find a way to do it. sure, i've heard this many times from my male frens but i just had to see it for myself, and i finally did, although through a movie screen. i finally saw how pathetic and pitiful it was to put ourselves out there in the open, just to get our emotions all tangled up and heart trampled on. i finally 'regained my sight'. roy and terence would be so glad :)

and what i really liked about this movie was that the ending wasn't a fairytale one, where everyone, including the cheating husband, found their other half and had a happy ever after. no, this movie really related to real life situations and emotions that normal people like you and i would feel. so overall, this was an excellent movie. one that i would rent and re-rent when it comes out on dvd here. it truly was an eye-opener and im glad that i watched it, and with whom i watched it with :)