the biggest bitch

seriously the dumbest and biggest bitch alive. sometimes i think im born heartless, despite all the hurt and sad emotions that i feel. i have just hurt and disappointed one of the people that i care about the most. if ur reading this, im sorry. over and over. a thousand and million apologies, although i know that at a time like this, no matter how many heartfelt apologies i say to u, u wont wanna hear or accept a single one of them. but i am sorry.

ur one of the nicest people that i know, someone that i know will always have my back. someone i can count on, someone who will try to understand my actions and understand.. me. but now i've lost it all, ur trust, ur friendship and most of all you. the heart wants what it cant have. ridiculous isn't it? believe me, i hated myself at those times when i gave in and texted you when i was upset. it sucked knowing that i couldnt tell you everything i was feeling. that i was hiding something from you. i have never hidden a single thing from u since we started off as friends.

i don't know what im hoping to get from this post. i don't know if you'll hang out with me again, if you'll even bother being friends with me anymore. maybe i disgust u too much. i have no good reason for my actions. they even puzzle me. many times i have wondered why it all happened so fast, sometimes even thought there was something wrong with me. maybe there is. but im learning, trying to change. and that's why i told u that from the very beginning. but over the past few days, old feelings resurfaced. and from last night, i was confused. again.

you're right. all these things. i brought them onto myself. it's always ME doing it. ME taking the actions. all me. but i still don't know why they happen. i can't or dunno how to avoid or prevent them.

this isn't a valid explanation. but noe that i never meant to do anything to hurt u. i try not to hurt u, and that's why the conversation we had was so hard for me. i knew what it was gonna do to you. i was selfish. i took u for granted. but like i said, im learning. and that's why i warned you.

im sorry. i am. from the bottom of my heart. i really reallly am. take care tonight