family

i've heard it many times..that family is more important than friends. i know that myself, they are the ones that (in most cases) wouldn't turn your back on you, will be there for u when u fall and basically be by ur side through thick and thin. so why.. do i always end up putting my friends first before them?

maybe im just going through a phase in my life, where im being rebellious. i don't wanna listen to anyone, i don't like taking orders and i just wan to do what i wan, and that is to have fun. only now that i've returned to nz that i realized how much i have neglected my parents. had a talk with my aunt and she said some things that really made me feel bad about myself, that encouraged me to spend more time with them. i did just that, although not nearly enough to make up for all the arguments during the summer holiday.

but im glad i did try to spend time with them. im glad they came over with us, and im glad we had a small family trip last weekend to wellington to visit my older brother. it was a good trip, time for me to just be by their sides the whole time and to have fun with them. *pics will be posted later :)

now that my parents have left for home, i feel this emptiness inside me. i know that this feeling will eventually disappear, like it always does every year when they leave us here,but right at this very moment.. i just need some time to pour my feelings out. to let out all the guilt, the sadness, and the many sorries and 'i love you's' that i should have said.hence, this post.

there are times when i agree with my mum..that i have changed.that im no longer the sweet young little girl that spends every moment with her. i have grown into a young adult with different interests and different views on life now. at other times however, i feel like shes wrong. that im only doing and saying the things i say just because im going through a phase that everyone has gone through. i just refuse to believe that im hurting them now just cause i've changed.

so today, in church. i took a moment to reflect on myself, my actions and my thoughts. am i still the same person? have i really changed for the worse? it was hard for me to admit something like that, as im a very proud person, but i knew deep down that my mum was right. so i made a promise to myself, that im going to indeed cut down on the alcohol intake, and spend more time on my studies. i have already lost the scholarship. all i can do now is to study hard, make the most of this year and aim for at least second class honours.

some pics of the family: